The other side of child support
http://abrightfuture.wordpress.com/2008/03/01/the-other-side-of-the-child-support/
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You had better believe that if my soon-to-be ex husband and his new wife (whoever that poor woman will be) suddenly began spending lots of money while still crying poverty on the child support front that I will be right back in court. My soon-to-be ex has already quit one of his consulting jobs (thus reducing his income by almost a third) so that he could pay me less. And if he ever begins consulting again, I will be back in court asking that the child support be re-evaluated.
It upsets me that my friend thinks that her husband’s son is not entitled to the same standard of living that the two children they have together are. To hear the other side of the child support story is interesting and provides me a great deal of insight, but I won’t ever be able to sympathize with it.
Until I was the person not receiving child support, I was able to sympathize with “the other side.” I had payroll under my responsibility for a lot of years, and always felt so bad for the guys that got 50% taken out of their checks. When I became the person that had a child to support on my own, I was able to sympathize for a little while, until I realized the level of deceit involved in my own situation. I still managed to feel guilty and feel bad in spite of being angry and hurt, at the corner I felt the other person had painted himself into - but at some point, there’s not anything left to feel except protective of my child and what I am and am not able to do for that child. So rough times, I certainly feel empathy for, we’ve had to move too many times ourselves; and I understand creative financing in the home and how we have to juggle, but there are no sympathetic feelings for “the other side” any longer. And bravo to the other author’s holding of her tongue. I wouldn’t have been able to.
Filed under: Ted Chapin
It is not the fact that they have to pay child support that deserves empathy, it is the unfairness in the amount they are required to pay. Many jduges are required to disregard the financial obligations the noncustodial parents and so the burden is quite onerous. the issue of non payors deserves no sympathy because once they get a order to pay if they can’t pay then there are mechanisms in place to have the amount reduced (although at times impossible). if they can pay but just won’t, then they derserve apathy.
I don’t think there is unfairness in the amount they have to pay - in our scenario it’s based on minimum wage. It’s right around 300 a month for child support, and and 200 for child care costs. My actual child care costs are well over 700 a month. In Orange County California, a 2 bedroom apt/condo is going to be at least 1550 and a 3 bedroom house runs 2550 for rent. 300 a month doesn’t go very far here. See an early article form our local paper that indicates it’s a minimum of 750 dollars per month - outside of child care and any activities that a child participates in - so no, there is no empathy in the amount he has to pay. It’s a little stronger than apathy that he doesn’t.